Jesus turned the water into beer, John 2:11

Look at me! At my best friend Oprah's house!!!

Look at me! IM WALKING ON WATER! SUCK IT MOSES!

Delivering the holy kingdom- on time, everytime.

Celebrity Apprentice here I come!!

Hey baby, how about some "The Last Temptation of Me"? No? Maybe some "Passion of the Me"? NO?

WWJD?

Make my redemption a Venti!

It's true, I can cure lepracy, but there aint shit I can do for you if you eat one of this guy's hot dogs.

And on the sixth day he got crabs from a dirty stripper.

Take me to your messiah!

Dad-dammit! I'm more lost than an atheist!

"The Father, The Son, and the Holy Diddy"

Last time I ate here my dinner was resurrected from my ass! LOL!

OH MY DAD!!! JUDAS IS GOING TO BE SO JEALOUS!

I just peed myself!

Do you think my Mom shops here? I kid! I kid!

Jesus DEMANDS you play Free Bird!

Blessed are the functionally retarded and compulsive masturbaters!

Do you think they will write "Please don't kill me, Jews!"?

Is this a glory hole? It is now!

And on the fifth day he rose. (It cost him 100 bucks.)

I'm into kinky Shit! Don't tell my dad!

"We have here only one box of donuts," they answered. "Bring them here to me." I said.

Super size it, my child.

What do you mean you don't believe in me?

Ok, Who Farted?